Lifestyle & Culture

“I Felt Trapped In My Old Body”

Born a girl, Jacinto Peter Medina is in the process of becoming a man. This is part of his story, as told to Kiara Ventura, a Spectrum staff writer.

I hate the cliché, “feeling trapped in this body.” But that is how I felt as a girl who was supposed to be a boy. I felt claustrophobic in this body.

Over a year ago, I started hormone therapy to make me who I am supposed to be. Before the hormone therapy, I began counseling. That helps you to discover, rediscover and uncover things.  Because I have multiple sclerosis, my neurologist also had to say it was OK to start the hormone treatment. At first, the intramuscular injections made me emotionally volatile but they regulated it and now I’m calmer.

In the surgery, some transgender people get just the top done; some people get the bottom. How my body parts are changing is too personal for me to talk about. But my body has changed. My voice has dropped. I’m excited.

I’m at this gender-ambiguous stage. Sometimes I am not read as 100 percent male and sometimes I am. Before, I would come through a door and a male would hold the door open for me. Now, it’s “fend for yourself,” though sometimes I am still read as female.

So, now that I’m a trans-man, I’m different mentally. Suppressing who I am for such a long time, it takes a lot of work. You get tired.

I know this is not just a transition for me; it’s also a transition for my family. I took a long time to tell my family. My mom was trying to understand and she kept saying, “Whatever makes you happy.” My dad was asking my mom how she felt. He cried a little bit. They call me “Jahi” because my name was Jahida. When I told my father he said, “So, no more ‘Jahi?’”

I said, “I’m still the same person inside.”

I’ve changed my name to Jacinto Peter Medina, and changed it with legal documents. I wish I could wear a little name tag saying, “He.”

You want your outside to match what’s in your mind. Being transgender, I just feel normal. I just want to live my life. I just wanted to be happy.

On Twitter @Kiara_Cristina.